Bad ass Ex? Don't do this.....

(Ok, ok, I know I said I wasn't going to talk about my divorce anymore, but this is a funny story about what NOT to do.....)

Guys, if you are courting a new lady friend, the dumbest thing in the world to do is to tell her her how much of a bad ass your ex is........and dumb to the nth degree is to actually SHOW her.

For those who don't know, I take martial arts classes. I started back in March as an activitiy to do with my daughter. We do Tae Kwon Do, Kung Fu, Hapkido and weapons (long staff, sword, spear, etc.). I like the idea of being dangerous (and the resulting weight loss) and it fits with my idiosyncratic persona.

So Saturday was our graduation ceremony to move up to our next ranks. My daughter moved up to purple belt and I moved up to green (she's a rank ahead of me). The graduation ceremony is basically a performance of everything we learned during the semester for our friends and loved ones, plus the mandatory breaking of a board with our current board breaking technique, which this past semester was the flying side kick. *eek!*

The Ex recently (within the past month or two) broke up with the chick he'd been dating since before the ink was even on the divorce decree.... so for about 2 years. Apparently he already has a new "lady friend" on deck because he invited her to our daughter's martial arts graduation (I won't even go into the propriety of having this chick all up in my kids' events so soon, but whatever.... not my call and not a fitting subject for this blog).  The chick is just ok......not ugly, but kinda stumpy, stringy hair, kinda basic, definitely nothing like me (but then again, that's pretty damn hard to come by).  I'm not sure if he just didn't realize or didn't think about the fact that:

1) this was also MY graduation,

2) this would be the first time she would meet his ex-wife and mother of his kids, and

3) I would be there beating people up and breaking things.

Being that I fully recognize that everyone has a wee bit of petty in them (including myself) I kinda enjoyed being witness to his epic failure in judgment as to what constitutes a good "date". (Let me make it VERY clear, though... I am unequivocally over my ex-husband.  But I'm still a woman. Woman = petty-ish. Meh.) Not only did he have her AND her daughter there, he had her sitting front and center to where I was lined up to do my technique demonstrations, so I made sure my kung fu form was extra crisp and my ki-yaps extra loud. I wish I could have seen the look on her face when I was asked to re-demonstrate, alone for the class, my Hapkido technique on a male classmate who is bigger than me because my daughter doesn't offer enough resistance as a partner. (In case you (probably) don't know, Hapkido is a series of self defense techniques ..... it's a counter attack and take down, kind of like these.)

But my FAVORITE part was at the end when we had to do our board breaks. I always manage to kick the board holder in the fingers at least once and take multiple times to break my board (they're about 1" thick). And that was with stationary kicks.... this one I had to run and jump in the air. Sideways. And kick. When it was my turn I gave one loud "KI-YAP" and took off running at the board, jumped up and kicked it clean in half on the first try. Kamsamnida and that's all she wrote. Of course when I was done I went over to where they were sitting, smiled real big and shook her hand when he introduced us, because I'm not really a mean spirited or violent person. But that in and of itself is a little disarming.  I just wish I could have been witness to the conversation that followed later that afternoon.  ("Um, sweetums, when were you going to tell me your ex-wife is a 5'10 black belt karate master a green belt in tae kwon do and can take down a grown ass man by just squeezing his wrists??")

Just think about this scenario objectively, though...... you're seeing a new guy (or chick). Your tentative boo-thang invites you to an event where you (possibly unknowningly) meet their ex for the first time, and the ex is demonstrating how (s)he would beat the shit out of someone who fucks with him/her. Um.... not really a good look.

In fact, don't invite your new boo-thang to ANYTHING where your ex is demonstrating his or her bad-assery, whether that's athletic, aesthetic, intellectual, or whatever. At least not until you are securely established in your relationship and your boo knows that you're all about them.  And even still it is probably never a good idea.  This is particularly important for guys to keep in mind when trying to get something going with a new lady friend because we are catty, jealous and insecure, but it goes for everyone..... nobody likes to be compared to the ex. Nobody wants to hear about how great the ex is. And you for damn sure don't want to see it.