(sorry, that's one of my favorite scenes.... I just had to include it)
Basically, Charlyne doesn't believe in love, doesn't know what love feels like, and doesn't ever believe she will be, or is capable of being, in love. So she sets out to interview people from all across the country to find out what is this thing called love, where to find it, and how you know that you're in it. The movie takes an interesting turn, however, when she meets Michael Cera (Paulie Bleeker from Juno) and the movie shows the real-life evolution of the relationship between Charlyne and Michael. Throughout the entire movie, Charlyne denies that she is in love with Michael, and insists (and believes) that they're just friends. There's one part (and this is in the trailer, so no spoiler) where she's interviewing a little girl who claimed to be in love with Chris Brown and the girl tells Charlyne that she's in obviously love with Michael, which Charlyne vehemently denies and replies "I'm not in love, YOU'RE in love!"....... and then the girl says "At least I admitted it!!" (Out of the mouths of babes.....)
I would have to say that this is the best movie about love that I have ever seen. Period. (no @DatNUPE) Forget The Notebook, forget Love Jones, forget Titanic (and Wall-E?? I saw this on a "Most Romantic Movies" list). These movies are the reason why people like Charlyne (and most of my friends) don't believe in love or that they are in love. These (fake) stories are presented to us as the truth of what love is, what it feels like, what it looks like, and how it happens. It's all passion and fireworks and butterflies and monologues. Paper Heart, through it's interviews with various couples and in seeing the development of Charlyne and Michael's relationship itself, reveals that's not the way it usually goes down.
I really identified with Charlyne and Michael in this movie and saw a lot of parallels to their relationship and my own. I'm not going to spoil it for you, but basically when they first met it definitely wasn't love at first sight, definitely didn't involve the traditional ideas of romance. But while their and many other's stories of "how we met" was lackluster by Hollywood standards, in hindsight there is something endearing in even the most bizarre, obscure, and inappropriate (a-hem) meetings and first dates. And relationships don't always follow the pattern of Boy meets Girl + Boy goes on dates with Girl + Boy and Girl realize the other is "the one" + Boy proposes to Girl + Boy marries Girl = love. There are many crazy twists and turns, start and stops, detours, loss of direction and surprise destinations. But with our Hollywood images of love we often don't recognize the other ways in which love arises, and thus are lead to believe we are not in love. Love is not only blind, but also deaf, dumb and directionally challenged.
This is my "how we met" story (sorry if you've heard it or read it before on AID): I was heading out to a Memorial Day barbecue and was pissed cuz the guy who I had been kinda dating (mostly talking to actually, cuz gas was $4.35 at the time) who was supposed to come with me canceled on me in favor of going to another (female) friend's event. I had to stop to put the tags on my car since it had almost gotten towed by my bitchassed apartment complex for being 2 weeks expired. As I was squatted down in my long hippie skirt and tank top, he walked by with his roommate and son. They stopped and introduced themselves, I introduced myself, and we went on our separate ways. I honestly thought nothing of it. A few days later I was at the pool with Mini-Me and I saw him again walking up to the leasing office, and he stopped to talk (asking me why I was at the pool at noon on a Tuesday) and handed me his card (which, BTW, is the classiest way to hand out your number) and told me that they sometimes play cards and drink with some other people that lived in his building. I used the card as a bookmark. Maybe that day or the next I came across the card while reading and for some reason sent him a text telling him that I don't play cards, but I do drink. This was completely, totally and utterly out of my character. Guys introduce themselves to me all the time and I NEVER reach out to them. I was also trying to get out of one dysfunctional and unhealthy "relationship" and get into another going-nowhere relationship, plus my divorce had just been finalized, so the last thing I was looking for was a new boo-thang. After that I invited him over to chill that Saturday. Something about him just put me at ease and it was so easy to talk to him, and I don't typically do well with new people. Longer story a little bit shorter, we drank, went to my Saturday spot, I introduced him to Djarum Blacks, went back to his place, threw up all over his toilet, and we had sex (thus our inside joke about Vanilla Mint Listerine). Romantic, huh? And we've been kickin' ever since for the past year and a half.
Was this love at first sight?? Happily ever after?? I could leave the story there and lead you to believe that. Assuming that I'd put myself into the automatic jump-off category, I kind of X'd him off the potential boyfriend list. He was also younger than me, really into the fraternity thing (which I'm not) and gave me a copy of a Lil Wayne CD, which caused me to (mistakenly) put him into the category of "typical" (but once he gave me a Little Brother CD, and I saw the can of yeast flakes on top of his fridge, I started to think maybe there was a little more to him). We hung out for months with no label, telling people that it was nothing, that we were just friends. I remember being out once a few months after we met and one of his friends asked about me, and he told him that I wasn't his girl and he could go ahead and holla (which hurt my feelings a bit, honestly). My friends kept asking me what the deal was with us, and I kept telling them I didn't know, probably because it wasn't smacking me in the forehead with the cliche stars and butterflies. I knew I liked him, I knew I liked spending time with him,
The same thing happened with Charlyne in Paper Heart. Their "romance" consisted of hanging out together, playing music, eating at crappy diners and chatting on IM. Likewise, my beau and I spent a lot of time chillin' on the couch watching free cable, eating home cooked meals and drinking cheap booze (Aldi Winking Owl Chardonnay and J. Roget champagne were staples). It took us a year to go on our first "real" date. But despite all that, I had fun.... he made me laugh, we had adventures (like our 3 hour excursion from the south to the west side looking for a movie and something to eat, only to end up right back at home doing the same thing I'd originally suggested: Chinese and DVD), and it didn't matter that it didn't look like the Hollywood version of romance.
Hindsight is 20/20 though, and I'm still a product of my social environment, so of course like an idiot I missed it for a loooong time. And I think this is not unusual. I talk with my friends about guys they are non-dating, and it's obvious that they like-like each other, but there is this resistance to the thought that maybe this is love, or at least the beginnings of it. Or, like Charlyne, they don't think they have ever been in love and aren't sure what love feels like. All they know is what the movies and songs tell them is supposed to be love. But how can you know you've never seen something if you don't know what it looks like?
I hate to tell you this, loved ones.... there is no definitive sign or feeling to look for to determine if you love someone aside from the basic requirements that you enjoy spending time with the person, you care about the well being of this person, and if the person were gone you'd be really bummed. But, you say, that's how I feel about all of my good friends! True. And that's why love is so hard to spot, because it does, and should, look a lot like friendship. There's definitely something more to it, though...... like I have good friends that I love to death, but I can go weeks or months without seeing them. I can't say the same thing about my beau..... through all our ups, downs, drama and break-ups, from day one I don't think I've never gone a week without seeing him. Because it hurts my soul not to see him. And I'm not even the type of chick that needs (or wants) someone up under her all the time. It's like the floater that you pay an extra $2 for in your drink..... there's that extra something that takes it to the next level.
Anyway..... see Paper Heart. Seeing and hearing the stories and viewpoints of the people in the movie gives a great perspective on love--real life love--much better than any blogger, song or romantic movie can. Then look around and see if maybe you've been missing something and that all this time love has been right in front of you.
"It's a dangerous necessity..... a world famous mystery...... love." ~ Mos Def
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