Foul Weather Friends

We have all heard of the "fair weather friend" and how you can tell
who your true friends are by whether they are there for you during
hard times, not just the good ones. However, I have noticed that there
is another type of "friend" that is far more shady than the fair
weather friend, and that is the foul weather friend.

A foul weather friend will be there at your beck and call when things
are going bad in your life. Just lost your job, going through a
divorce or break-up, recently evicted, kicked out of school..... they
are right there to lend a sympathetic ear and tell you that you didn't
need that job/man/home/education in the first place. But then when
things start to turn around..... *poof* they are gone. Or perhaps not
gone, but that support is gone. Instead it is replaced by snide
comments and sabotage attempts, and you just get the sneaking
suspicion that these people just aren't as happy for you as they ought
to be.

Women in particular see this all the time when it comes to
relationships. When one chick in the single clique gets a man, she is
booted out of the clubhouse. Now of course, some of it can be blamed
on her spending more time with her new beau, and some ladies do
completely shun their old friends in favor of a man. But in some
situations, it's the bit of hate from the single friends that becomes
the wedge in the friendship, but it is easy to blame the friend in the
relationship and accuse her of abandoning her old friends. But who
wants to be around someone who gives you the indifferent shrug when
you tell them about how happy you are in your relationship? Or only
wants to talk about the negative aspects and point out how your man
isn't doing this and that? Or constantly tries to entice you into
situations that are unhealthy and counter-productive to being in a
relationship? It seems like the glue that holds these friendships
together is the ability to commiserate over how much life sucks.

The foul weather friend needs you to have a fucked up life, because it
serves the purpose of making their lives feel less fucked up. Or
perhaps they have a need to feel needed. Or perhaps it's just garden
variety jealousy. But forever reason, the friendship bond
deteriorates when things in your life start turning around, and you
find yourself with fewer friends than you did during your bad times.
But when the break-ups or arguments or misfortunes occur, they are
right back there by your side, ready to co-sign on every bad thing you
have to say.

The measure of a true friend is one who will be there for you during
good AND bad times, not just the bad ones. A real friend will be
happy when you are happy and content in a relationship, not jealous
and competing for your time. A true friend will listen to your good
news without being dismissive. She will know what's going on in your
life besides just the bad aspects. A friend won't make you feel bad
or guilty for being happy. We all need friends to get us through
difficult times in our lives, but don't be so quick to use that as the
sole measure of a good friend.