My heart weeps.... R.I.P. Eboni

I was working on some other posts for you all when my friend called me this morning to tell me that my loctician, Eboni Dodson, was killed last night by a drunk driver.  Apparently she was having car trouble and she and a few others were trying to push the car off of the road when a pick-up truck hit her car.  The others saw the truck and were able to move out of the way but she was inside the car and was hit. 

I've known Eboni for years.... she worked in the same salon as my nail artist and was a mutual friend of a good friend of mine so I've been to social gatherings with her a few times.  Eboni started my daughter's locs two years ago, and I myself turned to her just a few months ago to start my new set of locs.  I loved her sweet, funny, talkative, outgoing and overall positive nature.... just the type of person who should be cultivating and styling locs. I only had the chance to sit in her chair once, but was looking forward to the day when my locs were finally fully matured and I could return to experience more of her talent.  Sadly, now I will never get that chance.

My prayers go out to her young child, her girlfriend, her family and friends.  My heart weeps today over the loss of such a beautiful person.  Rest in Peace Eboni.... you are loved and missed.

An Introduction to Chaos

What exactly is chaos? Most of us think of chaos in terms of complete disorder, disaster, bedlam, insanity, panic, craziness. What’s the visual that comes to mind when you think of chaos? Is it something like this?

Probably. However, there is a different way to look at chaos, both from a literal and figurative perspective.    This, loved ones, is Chaos Theory:

In a scientific context, the word CHAOS has a slightly different meaning than it does in its general usage as a state of confusion, lacking any order. Chaos, with reference to CHAOS THEORY, refers to an apparent lack of order in a system that nevertheless obeys particular laws or rules. The two main components of chaos theory are the ideas that systems - no matter how complex they may be - rely upon an underlying order, and that very simple or small systems and events can cause very complex behaviors or events.  Examples of such systems include the atmosphere, the solar system, plate tectonics, turbulent fluids, economics, and population growth.

The name "chaos theory" comes from the fact that the systems that the theory describes are apparently disordered, but chaos theory is really about finding the underlying order in apparently random data.

 So, instead of the mess shown above, this is actually what chaos looks like:

Kind of pretty, huh?  The image is a Lorenz attractor, which is one visual depiction of a chaotic system:

The Lorenz attractor is a chaotic map, noted for its butterfly shape. The map shows how the state of a dynamical system (the three variables of a three-dimensional system) evolves over time in a complex, non-repeating pattern, often described as beautiful....Systems that exhibit mathematical chaos are deterministic and thus orderly in some sense; this technical use of the word chaos is at odds with common parlance, which suggests complete disorder.

 (Thanks Wikipedia!)

Now that you have your daily dose of nerd, let me get to the point of all this geekdom.  We can think about the craziness of life-- i.e. Chaos-- in two different ways.  One way to look at it is like the first image-- a completely disorganized disaster that appears to be impossible to get through.  Or we can look at chaos in the way science does-- it may seem random and disorderly, but over time the bigger picture is revealed to us.  When something seemingly bad happens-- or even good-- it is not enough to assess the situation as it exists today.  The one occurrence isn't the end of the story.  Sometimes, if we reserve judgment and let the chaos unfold, it turns out to be more beautiful than we ever imagined when we first laid eyes on the situation.

So what about the intersection between chaos theory and fate? 

Where "fate" often refers to an unchangeable path or destiny, chaos can refer to a similar concept, only the outcome is not predetermined as it is with fate or destiny. Often events are attributed to "fate" when they may in fact be chaos. For example, one person may see many seemingly random events and determine that fate caused all of the events to take place so that a specific outcome could be reached. The chaotic view would be that many random events occurred, and the result was derived out of mere happenstance or coincidence. The difference here is that one person believes that everything happens for a reason, and that their course is predetermined, the other believes that random events have a very profound effect on one's life, but that the result of said events was not necessarily 'meant to be'.

Whether you believe is its fate, destiny or chaos, it's all the same in the end (I kind of think the Trafalmadorians had/have/will have the right viewpoint all along) .  You have seemingly random events that occur in your life that serve to set you up for the next occurrence in life (this is also related to the Butterfly Effect).  While we should try to live in the moment, we must also be mindful that this moment leads to the next moment, and so on and so forth, and that the purpose and significance of this moment may not manifest for hours, days, weeks, months, or even years. I believe the answer lies somewhere in between fate and chaos.... all of these occurrences happen to nudge us in certain directions, or set us up for the next occurrence, but ultimately we choose which path to follow.  The Most High lays out the terrain for you, but ultimately you choose the path.  If a tree falls in your way, maybe that's not the right path.  I'm not saying that every single occurrence is a sign or guidepost, but they are definitely there in the seeming randomness and it's our job to pay attention.  There's no such thing as a coincidence and happenstance, loved ones.  Divine order often looks exactly like chaos.

So as you go along in life and find yourself in the midst of seeming chaos, remember to stop and think that perhaps you just have to let things unfold to see the beauty of life's design.

Maybe.....

Zen Koan titled “Maybe”.

(A Koan is a story, dialogue, question, or statement in the history and lore of Zen Buddhism.)

A farmer’s horse ran away. His neighbors gathered upon hearing the news and said sympathetically, “That’s such bad luck.”

“Maybe,” the farmer replied.

The horse returned on his own the next morning, and brought seven wild horses with it. “Look how many more horses you have now,” the neighbors exclaimed. “How lucky!”

“Maybe,” the farmer replied.

The next day, the farmer’s son attempted to ride one of the wild horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. “How awful,” the neighbors said. “It looks like your luck has turned for the worse again.”

The farmer simply replied, “Maybe.”

The following day, military officers came to town to conscript young men into the service. Seeing the son’s broken leg, they rejected him. The neighbors gathered round the farmer to tell him how fortunate he was.

“Maybe,” said the farmer.

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This koan is a perfect illustration of my attitude toward life that has gotten me through everything of the past few years.... my divorce, my job change, and all the upheaval in between. When you're going through a divorce -- or any major life change for that matter -- it's easy to feel like everything is going wrong, you life is destructing before your eyes, and it's tempting to view every setback as the worst thing that could possibly happen.

The reality is that we never know what life has in store for us next, and what events in life are setting us up for the next good (or bad) thing. I can't even describe all of the positive things that have arisen from the negatives in my life over the past 2 years..... people I've met, relationships I've formed, experiences that I've had, opportunities that have arisen. It's important to open up your heart and your mind to the possibilities of life.... THAT is what will help get you through the hard times. So the next time something seemingly bad happens and you're thinking that your life has just taken a turn for the very worse, just stop and think...... maybe.

(Originally posted on AID on March 9, 2009)

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Or, if you're not into the Zen thing, here's another way of putting it:

"Sometimes life leaves a hundred dollar bill on your dresser, and you don't realize until later that it's because it fucked you."  @shitmydadsays

(For)give a little

Forgiveness Mandala

Recently I completed an exercise on http://www.radicalforgiveness.com/ called the Radical Self-Forgiveness/Acceptance Worksheet. It is a counterpart to the Radical Forgiveness Worksheet (which I have not yet completed).

The purpose is pretty self-explanatory..... it's an exercise to help you forgive yourself or someone else. Many people throw around the word "forgiveness" and don't truly understand or appreciate what it means. "I forgive you" does not simply mean "I'm not busting out your windows throwing a fit every time I see and talk to you" or "I just won't talk about it anymore." True forgiveness is truly letting go, and that's the end of it. One of my favorite definitions of forgiveness is "Giving up the hope for a different past." When I say that you can't go back and change the past, people think I am being flippant and dismissive. No, I mean exactly what I am saying..... I CAN'T go back and change anything. Last time I checked, the DeLorean was not sitting outside my apartment building. So to truly forgive is to quit hoping Doc shows up to scoop you (or the other person) up.

So at the suggestion of another Twittizen (@basseyworld) I went to go check out this Radical Forgiveness Worksheet. However, when I got to the site I realized the person I most need to work on forgiving first is myself. Self-forgiveness is the hardest type of forgiveness because we are constantly in our own heads with the negative thoughts about ourselves swirling about. We feel like we shouldn't or can't forgive ourselves, especially when we are in a situation where we don't feel like the other individual(s) involved have forgiven us. After all, why should we feel good about ourselves when nobody else does?

But this is flawed thinking. You cannot wait around for someone else to forgive you before you forgive yourself, because they may NEVER forgive you. They may always be mired in the past wanting you to go back and make things better, or dwelling on the fact that you can't and taking every opportunity to remind you of that ("woulda", "shoulda", "coulda"). Forgiveness of yourself is mutually exclusive of forgiveness received from other people. Even when there is nobody else to forgive you for some real or perceived wrongdoing, there is still a need to atone. Well, atonement can only go on for so long before it starts to eat at you from the inside out. At some point you must say "What's done is done. I'm sorry it happened, but I can't change that it did. That does not define who I am, and I am allowed to release the feelings surrounding it and move forward with my life."

So what is this Radical Self Forgiveness/Acceptance Worksheet thingy all about? It's an online form that takes about 30 minutes to complete (or more, depending on how much you write). It starts off with detailing what you have done/failed to do and how you feel about yourself over it. It's kind of brutal, especially if you've never taken the time to admit it to yourself (this includes admitting it in such a way where you're not enveloping it in justifications and excuses). After you have stated your feelings about yourself and the situation, you then work through a series of questions where you are asked to recognize and accept those feelings, and that there is purpose behind what happened by answering Accept, Willing, Open, Skeptical or Unwilling.  A few of the statements that stood out most to me were:

"Even though I don’t know why or how, I now see that my soul has created this situation in order that I learn and grow."

"I am willing to see that my mission or ‘soul contract’ included my doing this thing for whatever reason."  This one was particularly interesting to me once I read the definition of a "soul contract":

A soul contract is an agreement that we made with other souls, prior to coming into the human experience, to carry out certain pre-planned missions — to balance karmic energies, to heal group pain, to raise consciousness around some issue, etc.  Who could possibly know what the mission really was? We just need to be open to the possibility that the situation we have guilt around might have involved a soul contract and, if there are others involved in the situation, they may well have been the other souls with whom the contract was struck.

(Sidenote: One question that I couldn't really "accept" was the notion that nothing anyone has ever done is right or wrong because it is just all part of the divine order. The best I could do was to put "Open" because while I know that in every shitty situation there can be something good that results, I do have an awareness of right and wrong.... can't just be out here all willy nilly saying that it's just all part of the divine plan.  Even if it ultimately is.)

Next you work through a series of statements in which you release your negative feelings and forgive and accept yourself.

Easy, no??

Naw, not that easy. I felt a little better after I did it, but I can't say it was some miraculous instantaneous transformation. I printed out my answers and have reviewed them once or twice, and each time I feel just a little teeny bit better.  You may not feel instantly absolved, but at least it's a start and gets you thinking about yourself and your life and your feelings and other people's lives and see how they all inter mesh.

Try it. It might be helpful. Might be a little too New Agey for you. If you're not really a person who gets the concept of Divine Order (I definitely do..... I have a HUGE tattoo of her (the Egyptian goddess Ma'at) across my back, which you can see in the picture in this post here) and spiritual energy, you will probably use this worksheet to line your bird cage. For everyone else, it really is worth 30 minutes of your life.

The Meaning of Michael: Deeper Than Philosophy

Another AID gem I will share with you...... and you can listen to it thru the link on the right.  And this dude made it even BETTER!  Dunno how that is possible, but he did it.  Man.......

"Beethoven says that music is deeper than philosophy..... because in the end we're finite creatures. We don't have a language, or even a linguistic eloquence, that can begin to be fully truthful to the experiences that we have the short time we are here in time and space. So therefore you need some sounds.....even some noise. Organized noise. We need silence between the notes and the sounds that get at the deeper truths of who we are....." ~ Dr. Cornel West

(click to listen and download)

It is my utter joy and privilege share with you the best Michael Jackson tribute mix ever, created by my dear friend and favorite DJ, DJ Limelight. Yes, I know MJ died back in June, and it is now September, after all of the frenzy around his death has begun to wane, so it would seem that this is coming a little.... late. Not so. At ALL. Michael Jackson's musical career spanned 45 years.... most artists are lucky to get 4.5 months of success, let alone almost half a century. So to rush to throw together a Michael Jackson tribute mix a week or two after he died would not have done this great artist justice. DJ Limelight has literally been working on creating and perfecting his self-professed "magnum opus" since MJ died in June.... and it shows.

With that said, this is not your typical assemblage of Michael Jackson's music that you hear at wedding receptions, class reunions, and your local dive bar. Don't look for Beat It, Bad, Billie Jean, or Thriller..... they're not here. As the title implies, this is the true meaning of Michael Jackson in the eyes (and ears) of DJ Limelight, AND in the hearts of anyone who is truly a Michael Jackson fan. It's a timeless piece that transcends generations.... I made copies for my parents AND my 10 year old daughter. It doesn't just make you dance, it makes you feel.

But wait, there's more..... aside from the insanely creative butter smooth transitions between songs that just give you chills (or make you fall out on the floor like my homegirl over at Kunta Fly Shyt did when we were given a sneak preview of the final mix), the rare and unreleased MJ tracks (what ya know about that PYT Demo??), one of my favorite things about this mix is the commentary from scholars, comedians and artists interspersed and woven seamlessly in with the music that really touches on Michael Jackson's impact and genius as an artist and entertainer, and each comment is tied into the song that comes after it. There are several clips from scholar Dr. Cornel West from an interview with Tavis Smiley and Dr. Michael Eric Dyson that are just pure genius.... one of my favorite parts of the mix comes at 38:38, beginning with this quote from Dr. West:

"I think the important thing to understand first and foremost about Michael Jackson is that he was the international emblem of the African American blues spiritual impulse that goes back through slavery - Jim Crow, Jane Crow, up to the present moment, through a Louis Armstrong, through a Ma Rainey, through a Bessie Smith, all the way to John Coltrane, Aretha Franklin and Nina Simone. Michael Jackson was part of that tremendous wave....."

(Listen to and read the entire interview HERE, and you'll have to listen to the mix to hear why I run around and start screaming when I hear it)

I mean, what other DJs out there are doing this? Analyzing and commenting on the philosophical and sociological impact of Michael Jackson while at the same time giving you music that just makes you feel GOOD. I have been listening to this non-stop for the past 3 days since it was released, and I still can't get enough of it. Sheer brilliance..... both Michael Jackson and DJ Limelight.

So listen to it.... download it.... share it.... love it.