We'll just pretend this never happened.....

I finally did it.  The thing I've been privately threatening to do for the past month and a half, but never really had the courage to publicly admit.  I got tired of the curiosity fueled by all the stories of how it was so great and wonderful and life-altering.  So after much internal struggle and debate, I mustered up the courage and did it.

I bought a Snuggie.

Since I have now become incredibly lame spend more time at home out of trouble watching movies, my interest in lounge comfort has increased.  And since I despise Old Man Winter and all the misery he brings, it is very important for me to be warm and comfortable as I lounge.  Literally my favorite place in my apartment is my bed under my aging down comforter, all soft and snuggly and warm next to a nice piece of African-American man candy. But since I no longer have a TV in my room, I want to feel just as comfortable out on the couch as I watch my Netflix movies as I am in my bed.

When I first heard about the Snuggie (and the more expensive Slanket) I thought it was the dumbest thing in the world.  A blanket with sleeves??  Just wear a freaking sweatshirt, I said to myself.  But even more disdainful were the obnoxious infomercials, particularly the one where the dog sits in his Snuggie and a pair of glasses while dude raises the roof in his Snuggie:

*retch*

Then I started hearing about people doing bar crawls, and plane rides, and other such public activities in their Snuggies, which was a complete turn-off (the Snuggie Sutra did raise an eyebrow, though).  The Snuggie craze was getting out of hand, and if there's one thing that makes me break out in hives and run for the hills, it's mainstream hype.

But..... I'm human.  I started hearing the testimonials of friends on Twitter, people whose opinions I (somewhat) trust, and whom I don't considering to be bandwagon hopping douche bags easily swayed by mainstream hype.  Thinking, independent minded, rational people were talking about how warm and cozy they were at home with their Snuggie, remote and hot chocolate on a cold Friday night.  I sat back quietly, observing the Tweets of people whom I'd never imagine would be caught dead in a Snuggie talking about how they wanted one or how much they loved theirs.  And I admit, I was a wee bit jealous.

At first I tried to drop the hint that I might want one for Christmas, thinking that someone would trip over it or see it as an easy grab requiring little thought and would snatch it up.  I figured that if I didn't actually buy it myself I wouldn't be giving into the commercial machine.  But no dice.  Everyone was a lot more thoughtful than that this year.  So the other day I was going through my mail (a once a month endeavor) and came across a 20% off Bed, Bath & Beyond coupon, and my brain began to plot against itself.  I was having trouble justifying paying $15 for a Snuggie, but if it were only $12, well, then that's a whole different story.  I thought I was going to go hang out and watch Monday Night Football and eat free wings at my local watering hole (emphasis on the word hole) tonight, but due to unforeseen circumstances my presence really wasn't a good idea.  Instead I was stuck at home alone catching up on old episodes of Nip/Tuck (again) and I thought to myself, "Self, you would have probably spent at least $12 on beers tonight, so why don't you use that money to make yourself more warm and comfortable at home instead?"  Guess I must have bought my own argument because off I went with my 20% coupon to Bed, Bath & Beyond.

I walked through the sliding glass doors, firstly embarrassed to be in a store such as Bed, Bath & Beyond (I'm more of a Pier 1, IKEA and Target housewares kind of girl) and secondly even more embarrassed that I was giving into the marketing machine and actually going to get a Snuggie.  Right at the door I almost tripped over a display of Snuggies, both for humans AND dogs.  However, they were all blue, and there was an old lady sitting next to the display staring at me, so I figured I'd venture further into the store and hopefully find more privacy color selection.  I loitered by the reed diffusers for just a little bit too long looking for a scent to replace the obnoxious lavender that came with the diffuser my mother bought me (reminds me of lavender public bathroom air freshener; I like more earthy scents), admittedly stalling.  After finding nothing that suited my olfactory senses or my wallet, I set off in search for what I knew had to be the Main Snuggie Display.  As I approached I was disappointed to find that all the adult Snuggies were blue (I really wanted a red one), but as I walked around the display I saw them: two lone boxes of Wild Side leopard print Snuggies.

Let me stop and clarify: I hate animal print, especially leopard.  It, along with gold lame, reminds me of my ex-mother-in-law's horrific and tacky sense of style (notice that it's a heteronym for LAME). Yet I stood there for several minutes debating between the plain blue Snuggie and the Wild Side Snuggie.  Ultimately I decided that since I was getting something so obnoxious and ridiculous as a Snuggie, I might as well go all out and be as obnoxious as possible and get the leopard print, also ensuring that I would not have a stroke of insanity and actually think it was ok to take the damn thing out of the house.  It would be my own dirty little secret. *rubs hands like Mr. Burns*

I get my bounty home, take a shower (so I can fully relax), heat up my leftover Khoresh Fesenjan, cue up season 3, episode 8 of Nip/Tuck, poured myself a glass of sparking grape juice, and then opened the package.  It was just as obnoxious as I dreamed it would be.  I unfolded it, slipped it on my arms, and......

I was pissed.

This is it??  It felt like someone's failed attempt to make a deluxe hospital gown.  Sure the front was covered, but what about my ass??  My ass was cold!  I tried wrapping it around my backside, but the oversized shoulders kept slipping off, and to wrap it all the way around made it feel like a cocoon.  I would have had to put another blanket under the Snuggie so my tush would not freeze on my leather couch.  And I'm not a tall woman, maybe slightly above average height, but I had the damnedest time keeping my feet covered as I sat in my chair.  Then there was the "super-soft plush" claim..... it felt like a cheap blanket that I could pick up at Big Lots for $12.99.  Maybe it was just the Wild Side Snuggie that wasn't all it claimed to be (because I was assured that I must be doing something wrong and that others' Snuggies were not like that), but for whatever reason, I wasn't impressed.  After about 5 minutes of attempting to love it as much as everyone else does, I gave up on it.  Instead I went and got my almost, but not quite, just as obnoxious black Baby Phat 3/4 length robe that my mother got me for Christmas (it's trimmed in leopard) that actually IS super-soft and warm and keeps my buns toasty.  I've been assured that the Slanket is superior to the Snuggie, but my robe, coupled with either some lounge pants and socks or a blanket burritoed around my legs, works just fine for me, thank you very much.

As for the Snuggie.... it is now shoved back in the box getting ready to go back to the store tomorrow, where I will get my money back and go buy myself some beers.

Can't say I didn't try.