We'll just pretend this never happened.....

I finally did it.  The thing I've been privately threatening to do for the past month and a half, but never really had the courage to publicly admit.  I got tired of the curiosity fueled by all the stories of how it was so great and wonderful and life-altering.  So after much internal struggle and debate, I mustered up the courage and did it.

I bought a Snuggie.

Since I have now become incredibly lame spend more time at home out of trouble watching movies, my interest in lounge comfort has increased.  And since I despise Old Man Winter and all the misery he brings, it is very important for me to be warm and comfortable as I lounge.  Literally my favorite place in my apartment is my bed under my aging down comforter, all soft and snuggly and warm next to a nice piece of African-American man candy. But since I no longer have a TV in my room, I want to feel just as comfortable out on the couch as I watch my Netflix movies as I am in my bed.

When I first heard about the Snuggie (and the more expensive Slanket) I thought it was the dumbest thing in the world.  A blanket with sleeves??  Just wear a freaking sweatshirt, I said to myself.  But even more disdainful were the obnoxious infomercials, particularly the one where the dog sits in his Snuggie and a pair of glasses while dude raises the roof in his Snuggie:

*retch*

Then I started hearing about people doing bar crawls, and plane rides, and other such public activities in their Snuggies, which was a complete turn-off (the Snuggie Sutra did raise an eyebrow, though).  The Snuggie craze was getting out of hand, and if there's one thing that makes me break out in hives and run for the hills, it's mainstream hype.

But..... I'm human.  I started hearing the testimonials of friends on Twitter, people whose opinions I (somewhat) trust, and whom I don't considering to be bandwagon hopping douche bags easily swayed by mainstream hype.  Thinking, independent minded, rational people were talking about how warm and cozy they were at home with their Snuggie, remote and hot chocolate on a cold Friday night.  I sat back quietly, observing the Tweets of people whom I'd never imagine would be caught dead in a Snuggie talking about how they wanted one or how much they loved theirs.  And I admit, I was a wee bit jealous.

At first I tried to drop the hint that I might want one for Christmas, thinking that someone would trip over it or see it as an easy grab requiring little thought and would snatch it up.  I figured that if I didn't actually buy it myself I wouldn't be giving into the commercial machine.  But no dice.  Everyone was a lot more thoughtful than that this year.  So the other day I was going through my mail (a once a month endeavor) and came across a 20% off Bed, Bath & Beyond coupon, and my brain began to plot against itself.  I was having trouble justifying paying $15 for a Snuggie, but if it were only $12, well, then that's a whole different story.  I thought I was going to go hang out and watch Monday Night Football and eat free wings at my local watering hole (emphasis on the word hole) tonight, but due to unforeseen circumstances my presence really wasn't a good idea.  Instead I was stuck at home alone catching up on old episodes of Nip/Tuck (again) and I thought to myself, "Self, you would have probably spent at least $12 on beers tonight, so why don't you use that money to make yourself more warm and comfortable at home instead?"  Guess I must have bought my own argument because off I went with my 20% coupon to Bed, Bath & Beyond.

I walked through the sliding glass doors, firstly embarrassed to be in a store such as Bed, Bath & Beyond (I'm more of a Pier 1, IKEA and Target housewares kind of girl) and secondly even more embarrassed that I was giving into the marketing machine and actually going to get a Snuggie.  Right at the door I almost tripped over a display of Snuggies, both for humans AND dogs.  However, they were all blue, and there was an old lady sitting next to the display staring at me, so I figured I'd venture further into the store and hopefully find more privacy color selection.  I loitered by the reed diffusers for just a little bit too long looking for a scent to replace the obnoxious lavender that came with the diffuser my mother bought me (reminds me of lavender public bathroom air freshener; I like more earthy scents), admittedly stalling.  After finding nothing that suited my olfactory senses or my wallet, I set off in search for what I knew had to be the Main Snuggie Display.  As I approached I was disappointed to find that all the adult Snuggies were blue (I really wanted a red one), but as I walked around the display I saw them: two lone boxes of Wild Side leopard print Snuggies.

Let me stop and clarify: I hate animal print, especially leopard.  It, along with gold lame, reminds me of my ex-mother-in-law's horrific and tacky sense of style (notice that it's a heteronym for LAME). Yet I stood there for several minutes debating between the plain blue Snuggie and the Wild Side Snuggie.  Ultimately I decided that since I was getting something so obnoxious and ridiculous as a Snuggie, I might as well go all out and be as obnoxious as possible and get the leopard print, also ensuring that I would not have a stroke of insanity and actually think it was ok to take the damn thing out of the house.  It would be my own dirty little secret. *rubs hands like Mr. Burns*

I get my bounty home, take a shower (so I can fully relax), heat up my leftover Khoresh Fesenjan, cue up season 3, episode 8 of Nip/Tuck, poured myself a glass of sparking grape juice, and then opened the package.  It was just as obnoxious as I dreamed it would be.  I unfolded it, slipped it on my arms, and......

I was pissed.

This is it??  It felt like someone's failed attempt to make a deluxe hospital gown.  Sure the front was covered, but what about my ass??  My ass was cold!  I tried wrapping it around my backside, but the oversized shoulders kept slipping off, and to wrap it all the way around made it feel like a cocoon.  I would have had to put another blanket under the Snuggie so my tush would not freeze on my leather couch.  And I'm not a tall woman, maybe slightly above average height, but I had the damnedest time keeping my feet covered as I sat in my chair.  Then there was the "super-soft plush" claim..... it felt like a cheap blanket that I could pick up at Big Lots for $12.99.  Maybe it was just the Wild Side Snuggie that wasn't all it claimed to be (because I was assured that I must be doing something wrong and that others' Snuggies were not like that), but for whatever reason, I wasn't impressed.  After about 5 minutes of attempting to love it as much as everyone else does, I gave up on it.  Instead I went and got my almost, but not quite, just as obnoxious black Baby Phat 3/4 length robe that my mother got me for Christmas (it's trimmed in leopard) that actually IS super-soft and warm and keeps my buns toasty.  I've been assured that the Slanket is superior to the Snuggie, but my robe, coupled with either some lounge pants and socks or a blanket burritoed around my legs, works just fine for me, thank you very much.

As for the Snuggie.... it is now shoved back in the box getting ready to go back to the store tomorrow, where I will get my money back and go buy myself some beers.

Can't say I didn't try.

That New Ish: Formspring.me

So now this seems to be the new hot thing in the blogosphere and the world of social networking.  As if randomly sharing my mental outbursts on Twitter isn't enough.... now you can ask about all the spaces in between that I don't spontaneously reveal..... anonymously if you're so inclined.

So go ahead.......ask me anything.  You know you want to: http://formspring.me/DaughterOfPriam

Got my Tweets in the Clouds

Words..... oh how I love them.   The written word more so than the spoken.  Word choice says so much about a person, and very writer has a certain "feel" to their writing that you sense on a subconscious level when you read their work.  But what if you could actually quantify that feeling?  Well, I did.

Below is my Tweet Cloud containing my most frequently tweeted words (in no particular order), and below that is a list of the most often used words ordered by most to least used:

words (ordered by most used)

• time
• love
• hair
• feel
• locs
• movie
• baby
• makes
• maybe
• look
• people
• blog
• damn
• watching
• kids
• life
• nite
• wanna
• actually
• hate
• post
• thru
• soul
• black
• gonna
• getting
• real
• home
• trying
• feeling

Just by reading down the list you can get a feel of my personality and what I focus on most often when I do my (seemingly) random Tweeting.  I found it very interesting that my top 3 words are time, love and hair...... 

Still not getting the picture even though I just gave you a picture?  Well, Analyze Words does exactly what it says.... it analyzes your tweets and actually "reveals" your personality traits based on how you use words. *brief logogasm*  Ok, I'm back.  Anyway, it breaks it down by emotional style, social style and thinking style (in the Twittosphere at least).

Analysis of tweets from daughterofpriam
(2243 most recent words - 1st December, 2009)

Emotional Style  Upbeat (Low)  24  Worried (High)  65  Angry (Average)  54  Depressed (High)  69 Social Style  Plugged In (High)  61  Personable (Average)  59  Arrogant/Distant (Low)  35  Spacy/Valley girl (Average)  55 Thinking Style  Analytic (Average)  59  Sensory (Average)  57  In-the-moment (High)  65

 ( you can see a full explanation of the categories, here: DaugtherOfPriam's Word Analysis)

So apparently I'm worried, depressed, "plugged in" (which means I engage with people on Twitter often.... not just some creepy lurking cyber stalker), and "in the moment" (talking about what's going on in the present moment, today).  *kanye shrug*  Eh, I guess.... the words don't lie. Unless they do. Oh never mind........ I really don't think I'm that bad off, I just have a very dark sense of humor, kind of Daria-like.  I guess you can't measure everything, some things are just best left to feeling.

23 Easy Steps to a Healthier You

You've all heard it, so I don't have to go into it and give all the gory details..... smoking is bad for you.  Red meat is bad for you.   We should all chew gum and eat antibiotic-free organic chicken instead.  But vices are vices for a reason, and sometimes it's hard to give those things up even when we know we should.

Well today is your lucky day, loved ones!  I have kicked the red meat and smoking habit, and I'm going to share my secrets with you.  Get ready to be transformed!!

How to Give Up Smoking and Red Meat in 23 Easy Steps:

1.  Go to law school.

2.  Develop an inferiority complex from the unrelenting mindfuckery imposed upon you by your professors for 3 years.

3.  Graduate cum laude regardless.

4.  Get a job at a Big Firm making Big Money for Little Exposure and Experience.

5.  Further develop your inferiority complex watching your peers get more work than you and get treated like you didn't just graduate cum laude from law school.

6.  Go to lots of firm dinners where they feed you red meat to make you feel better about the fact that you are a mere cog in their machine which they will promptly replace with one just like you when you wear out.

7.  Go out during the week after you get off work at 11:30 pm so you can have some chill time before you have to deal with your spouse who rides your ass for working all the time, yet enjoys spending up the money you earn.

8.  Start smoking cloves while you drink at the after-work-but-WAY-past-happy-hour gatherings with all the other lawyers and law students just as worn out and browbeaten as you.

9.  Get separated from your spouse, causing you to not just smoke cloves when you are out, but all the time due to the emotional stress.

10.  Leave your Big Money Big Firm job because you are tired of dying on the inside a little bit every day.

11.  Scrimp (not to be confused with shrimp) by doing contract work and temp jobs for a year, slowly decreasing the amount of red meat you can afford to eat (but still keep a steady supply of cloves).

12.  Vote for Obama.

13.  Get a job at a Small Firm making BIGGER money.

14.  Increase your consumption of red meat because once again you can afford to go out and eat steaks.

15.  Increase your consumption of cloves due to the stress of the insane work environment where there are absolutely no checks and balances or legal protections when there are fewer than 15 employees.

16.  Leave Small Firm and increase clove consumption even more because you're sitting at home applying for jobs all day (and sleeping).

17.  Get a job making 1/4 of what you used to make and decrease clove consumption because you are in an office all day and don't have the liberty to come and go outside for smoke breaks because you are treated like a peon, but increase clove consumption outside of work while you wonder whose life this is.

18.  Stop going out to eat because you can't afford it, but still have the occasional ground beef in a fast food burger off the dollar menu.

19.  Try and hate the new and unimproved Djarum Black clove cigars because regular clove cigarettes have been banned by President Obama.

20.  Buy whatever leftover stock of ANY variety of cloves you can find, including Cherry and Reds, which are okay but aren't the Blacks.  Smoke less to make them last longer.

21.  Stop eating burgers altogether because you can't afford to eat out AT ALL.  Instead eat soup (cuz that's only $1.62 a can).

22.  Eat the occasional random charity cheeseburger or steak from a friend or loved one and notice how angrily your stomach reacts to the re-introduction of beef, even though it tasted good going down.

23.  Stop buying cloves because you're too broke to buy those, too.... that's even assuming you can find the old ones, which are now technically illegal for vendors to sell so they won't get any more stock.

And there you have it.  Clove cigarette and read meat free.  Simple, right?

A Logophile PSA

It has been brought to my attention that sometimes I use some Big Ass Words (a.k.a. $100 Words) in my blog posts. I honestly don't do this to be self-important, I do it because I'm a self-professed logophile (i.e. a word lover, from the Greek work "logos" meaning 'speech' and the suffix "-phile" meaning 'friend, lover'). When I was in law school, Webster and Black were my best buddies and we rolled (literally, in my rolling backpack because the text books were so effing heavy) everywhere together. Anytime I came across a word I didn't know (which was often) I'd stop and break out one or the other so that I had a full understanding of what I was reading (and to ensure I didn't make an ass of myself in class discussion). Soon this just became a habit with anything I read (One book that comes to mind for which this was a absolute must was Elliot Pearlman's "Seven Types of Ambiguity"..... I learned a lot of new words reading that gem).

So as a courtesy, I've provided a permanent link to Dictionary.com on the site (off to the right) so that when I get into my highfalutin' lawyer mode, you can quickly and easily access the meaning to any words I may get carried away with. There's even an audio pronunciation feature in case you actually ever want to use the word in conversation, and so THIS doesn't happen to you. It's all about educating yourself, loved ones, so don't be afraid to use it.

(This has been a public service announcement brought to you by your friendly logophile. Have a nice day.)

Introducing Idiosyncratic Me

So, I've explained the whole "Unheeded Prophetess" thing..... but what about the "Idosyncratic" thing? Let's explore......

id⋅i⋅o⋅syn⋅cra⋅sy

/ˌɪdiəˈsɪŋkrəsi, -ˈsɪn-/ [id-ee-uh-sing-kruh-see, -sin-]

–noun, plural -sies.

1. a characteristic, habit, mannerism, or the like, that is peculiar to an individual.
2. the physical constitution peculiar to an individual.
3. a peculiarity of the physical or the mental constitution, esp. susceptibility toward drugs, food, etc.

The Idiosyncratic Personality Type:

The Idiosyncratic type represents a particular irrational strategy for obtaining happiness.

Desires/ Pleasures:

• non-conformity
• dreaming
• the spirit
• eccentricity
• freethinking
• idiosyncratic feelings and belief systems, worldview, and approach to life
• odd habits
• self-direction
• independence
• the extrasensory
• the supernatural
• abstract and speculative thinking
• being inner-directed
• observing others
• new experiences and feelings
• rapture
• freedom from rules

Fears/ Distresses:

• conformity
• convention
• tradition
• how other people react to them
• that others think them strange
• old belief systems
• joining
• affiliation
• adapting
• accepting or espousing anyone else's principles and beliefs
• standard explanations
• ridicule
• doubt
• uncertainty
• disillusionment
• the "regular" world
• narrow-minded people
• normal behavior standards
• others' expectations
• accepting authority

Needs:

• needs to march to a distinctive beat, different from the conventional rhythms that most people follow
• needs to be tuned into and sustained by their own feelings and belief systems, whether or not others accept or understand their particular world view or approach to life
• needs to be self-directed and independent
• needs to avoid convention; needs an interesting, unusual, often eccentric lifestyle
• needs to be open to anything; needs the occult, the extrasensory, and the supernatural
• needs to engage in abstract and speculative thinking
• needs to be keen observers of others, particularly sensitive to how other people react to them
• needs to avoid accepting the customary explanations of what's going on in this world
• needs to avoid being locked into the accepted explanations and interpretations that seem unequivocally true to most people
• needs to live their lives according to the sensations, feelings, and ideas that spring from inside them
• needs to be a nonconformist
• needs to seek the company of like-minded others in order to be more comfortable in life
• needs to avoid "joining"; needs to avoid affiliating or conforming
• needs to avoid accepting or espousing anyone else's principles and beliefs
• needs to heed their inner voices, not those of other people
• needs to avoid basing their self-esteem on following protocol or being correct from someone else's point of view
• needs to build a strange, eccentric lifestyle
• needs to be indifferent to what others think about their habits
• needs to avoid trying to fit in
• needs to reject standard explanations and conventions and rely on inner experience alone to assess the nature of the real world
• needs to question and wonder
• needs to to reinvent the universe in search of reality and truth
• needs to seek emotional experience where the emotions are felt in all their intensity for their own sake
• needs mind/emotional/spiritual expansion
• needs new experiences to send them to new peaks of feeling and awareness of their inner being
• needs to test the limits of emotional and spiritual experience
• needs to always give priority to their inner emotional experience over what others consider to be objective external reality
• needs to be free from rules and conformist expectations 

Dang, I was going to expound on this, but the info above pretty much sums things up.  I have no problem with admitting that I'm an idiosyncratic and eclectic (i.e. weird) individual.  I just don't "fit" in anywhere, which is a blessing, but also at times a curse.  I've been told that I'm interesting, which is what makes me special, but those interesting qualities that people love about me are the same qualities that drive people insane.  People like to be able to classify and categorize so that people or situations fit somewhere in their minds and make predictions about what's coming next.  Well, unpredictable is a common occurrence when it comes to dealing with me.  Basically, I'm un-boxable.

Although I'm sure I've always been a little different (ex. I ate Wheat Chex while my siblings at Capt'n Crunch, I preferred books over movies, etc.) the first time I really remember wanting to express my idiosyncratic nature was when I was 18 and wanted a body piercing, solely for the reason that it just didn't fit with my nerd, goodie-two-shoes, quiet personality from high school (I know every 16 year old has a mandatory navel ring these days, but back in the mid-90's it was still kind of novel).  It wasn't anything I showed off on the regular, just something that I knew I had (ok, so I did wear mid-drift bearing shirts when appropriate).  And it went on from there, to more piercings (at one point I had a total of 5 non-ear piercings.... now I'm down to 2), to dreadlocks, to elaborate tattoos.... you get the idea.  But then I went and became an attorney (can you say "incongruous"?)  Along with the physical, though, also came the mental..... my views of the world, my likes and dislikes, everything.  You can pretty much bet that if it's mainstream, I really don't care for it too much.  It actually got to be a problem in my relationship with my high school sweetheart (I promised I wouldn't discuss the "D" word) because as I got older, I got weirder and weirder as I got more comfortable with expressing my idiosyncrasies. 

So this is just fair warning to you, loved ones.... I don't choose words lightly (self professed logophile here), thus the reason the title of this blog is so fitting because this is who I AM.... like it, love it, or leave it.  There may be times where what I write leaves you scratching your head or thinking I'm crazy, but remember.... they thought the Unheeded Prophetess was crazy, too (watch out for that horse).

"And meet a new lover, and he'll call you Gail...."

As promised, I brought some of my old favorites with me to my new blogospheric home. As I can (unfortunately) fully attest to, break-ups suck. This post favorite has been on my mind lately, just cuz I needed a good laugh:

***********************************************************************
(originally posted January 27, 2009)

Today I am taking a break from my personal BS featuring a guest "blogger" (she doesn't really blog, but whatever) who wrote a break-up song about a guy she was dating that I found highly amusing, so I asked if I could share it with my loved ones in the blogosphere. She wrote 2 versions, an original and the "remix" (the first is a ballad, the second has more of a punk rock feel.... not that we have actual music for it, but you get the idea). It's funny how 2 people can see a situation in 2 completely different ways..... it's even funnier when 1 person does it.

My friends are special.

So without further adieu, I present "Good-Bye My Lover":

We met on a rainy Sunday at a pub in Camden Town.
I was with him; you, with your friends – neither seeking to be found.
A storm appeared and you sought me out to be my calm
You charmed me and surprised me and I let my guard down.

An unanticipated affair - soft, easy and affectionate
None too sure if this could go, we took it slow and kept it innocent.
No talks of the future and little of our pasts
Nothing was expected, no demands did we cast.

We were a fluke – a chance meeting that never was supposed to be
I have no right to ask you where you are or what you want me to be
I don't need closure, I have clarity
Thank you for the opportunity
Good-bye my lover...

What we had was special but now it time to say good-bye.
I'll see you in another life at another place in time
But for now let's just say good-bye.

Staring out the window as the sun sets on my suppose-ed loneliness
My mind begins to question
And answers, "I'm not upset"
I never cheated
You never lied
You never stormed out
I never cried
Nothing between us was ever left unsaid
I only harbour fondness of the good times we had
We never fought or made each other feel pain.
There's nothing to long for and no one to blame.

We were an accident – a flame that never was
I will never ask you to be my forever love
No need to ask me for forgiveness and I don't need an apology
Thank you for bringing out the best in me
Good-bye my lover...

What we had was special but now it time to say good-bye.
I'll see you in another life at another place in time
But for now let's just say good-bye.

What we had was enchanting
A brief friendship in time.
No reason to be hurt or shed a tear
I live without wishing you were mine.
And for all you did my lover this song is my one token
Picking up the pieces is impossible because nothing's been broken.

With all my respect and best of intentions
Thank you for the memories.
Good-by my lover...good-bye


And the Remix......

We met on a rainy Sunday at a pub in Camden Town.
I was with him; you, with your friends – neither seeking to be found.
Midway through, he f***ed up and in to me you stepped
Thought you charmed and wowed me but you just made me upset.

You never should have sat down next to me that night
From the look on my face you should have known I was ready to fight.
I didn't like the sound of your voice or the way you looked
Whiny and plain like right from a Jane Austen book.

I swore I'd never call you but you kept calling me
No matter how many times I told you to get the h*ll away from me
I don't want to know you
You'll never be the man I need
Step off m*thaf*****!

Good-bye my lover, Get the f*** out my face, You never should have
been here in the first place. I never meant to meet you and you
haven't changed my life. Good-bye my lover. Good-bye.

Staring out the window as the sun sets
My mind begins to question
And answers, "I'm d*** upset"
You show up at my house
You show up at my job
You send me rubbish flowers
You never shut your gob
You try to earn my respect
This you'll never do
I'd never be seen in public
With the likes of you

Good-bye my lover, Get the f*** out my face, You never should have
been here in the first place. I never meant to meet you and you
haven't changed my life. Good-bye my lover. Good-bye

I wish you'd go kill yourself

You make me so angry
Stop pestering me
I'll never go out with you - keep your apology
Return to your dungeon alone forever you'll be

Step off m*thaf*****!

We'll never have a romance
No, we'll never be friends
I won't feel warm and fuzzy
And this is where it ends.
As for the restraining order - violate and you'll go to jail
And meet a new lover and he'll call you Gail.

Good-bye my lover, Get the f*** out my face, You never should have
been here in the first place. I never meant to meet you and you
haven't changed my life. Good-bye my lover. Good-bye.

Copyright 2009 "Mistress Amber" Ying