Don't be a Love Hater (hater of love)

February 1st..... the first day of Black History Month. It is also the start of the "I hate Valentine's Day" countdown. I am bracing myself for a sharp uptick in the number of anti-Valentine's Day tweets, blog posts, Tumblr entries, Facebook status messages, e-mails, gmail chats, and Blackberry messenger chats letting me know how stupid, pointless, unnecessary and generally deplorable V-Day is. I've never heard so many strategies and tactical maneuvers for NOT dating someone on February 14th just to avoid the whole fiasco. No other holiday in the history of American holidays gets as much rancor and hatred directed its way.

And I say: For what?

Personally, I love Valentine's Day, or at least I have no real beef with it. So what if it is a "man-made holiday" that is used to maximize consumer spending? Guess what? Most other holidays are as well. And we go right along with the rest of those. You don't see anyone throwing a fit and talking about "Thanksgiving is dumb.... I can eat turkey with my mama all year." And nobody ever gets pissed that they have to buy Marshmallow Peeps during Easter (you can get those year-round now, too.... though my biggest beef with Easter is getting dressed up and making a big to-do over church for one day and then you're never seen again til next year, or at least until the next holiday). And you can buy fireworks and have freedom all year-round, yet we still flock to fireworks displays on the 4th of July. All holidays celebrate principles that we should be practicing all year. So why smack Cupid on his cherubic bare bottom??

Whenever people's actions defy logic, the best place to look for the source of a problem is emotion. And I think several emotions play into this hatred for Valentine's Day: jealousy, bitterness, laziness, and resentment. Pay close attention to the people making the biggest fuss about hating Valentine's Day and you will usually find the person who is most bitter about being single, or are dating/married to someone who never bothered to do anything for them Valentine's Day OR who never appreciated their efforts. And for the guy who thinks it's dumb that he has to buy his lady a gift or take her out to dinner because he does that all year long (but does he really???), you'll find someone who just doesn't want to spend the time, money and effort on a gift; OR you will find a woman who expects her man to go all out and spend half his paycheck, in which case I could  understand his disdain for the day. So instead of addressing their own personal issues or loneliness and resentment, the Love Haters attack the holiday. It is as if V-Day is a personal affront to their relationship status (or lack thereof).

It's a holiday, folks, and it's not that damn deep. Don't crap in the middle of everyone else's parade just because this is the 5th year in a row you don't have a date. Don't try and bring others to your special corner of misery by making them feel like they are stupid and materialistic or childish for wanting to celebrate Valentine's Day. And if you do have a boo-thang, don't feel pressured to break the bank on gifts and flowers and dinners. If your special lady only understands the phrase "I love you" if it's written in diamonds and on the stems of 5 dozen roses, maaaaybe you need to rethink whether this is someone you're going to want to try and keep happy for the rest of your life. Is it really going to kill you to play along? Are you compromising your morals and values if you buy a card and put some thought into doing a little something special for your loved one? Do you do anyone any good by telling the world how much you hate Valentine's Day simply because you're lonely or are dating a succubus?

Like all other holidays, we too often focus on the materialistic portion and not the meaning behind it. Valentine's Day is about love, and I would say it's about love in all of it's many forms. My parents always bought us Valentine's Day candy and gifts--small gifts-- because they love us (Storge love). You can use the holiday to express your Philia love for your friends. And if it's just some banal Eros love, well, there are ways of expressing that on the holiday, too. There was one year where I'd just started talking to (dating?? I dunno) a guy and he was in town around Valentine's Day. Being the cheesy person I am, I bought him a card which basically said "I'm not trying to run off and get married and have your babies, but I kind of like you." I didn't panic about what I should get him or avoid his calls to not have to deal with the "how do I handle this?" questions or expect anything from him in return. Another time I got a FWB a Happy Bunny card/magnet that said "You're bad, and I love it/ I'm bad and you love it."  There are approriate gestures for every person in your life (remember being a kid and trying to find the right Valentine for that 1 kid in class you hated? Yea, there was even one for him).  Even if you just want to do a silly gag gift, that's better than just an outright condemnation of the holiday as a whole.

As a dorky person who loves (most) holidays, for me it's about going along with something I like to make me happy, not dazzling me with expensive jewelry or flowers. I just want to know that I was thought about and that some sort of efforts were made. It doesn't have to be extravagant (though I would never turn down diamonds or rubies) because money does not always correlate to thought. And guys, don't fall into the trap of your lady saying she doesn't want anything for V-Day.... she may say that and think she means it, but you're going to pay later when her friends got something from their men and she's trying to convince them (and herself) that she's glad her man was "smart" enough not to get her a damn thing and how "dumb" her girl's man is for cooking her favorite meal and serving a candle light dinner and giving her a one-of-a-kind @Chickenb00 handmade card. The fact that you don't do anything for Valentine's Day doesn't just say you forgot, but says you made a concerted effort to forget/avoid/not bother. And the fact that you're so vehement about not wanting anything probably means you don't think you're getting anything anyway (I know this lil psychological self-trickery all too well).

So, if you are a Love Hater, really stop and think about why instead of willy nilly throwing around your hatred for Valentine's Day at the rest of us. Because honestly it just makes you sound bitter, not smarter than the rest of us romantic saps. Spread the love instead, loved ones.

(And yes, sorry guys..... Valentine's Day is primarily about the ladies. Next month I will highlight YOUR day, though.... the corollary to Valentine's Day: March 14th. Stay tuned. Ladies, you too. Cuz it's only fair.)